You come to a realization about yourself or maybe life, or even love. You suddenly get charged by your own enthrallment. A wave of positive energy pulses through your blood. Rapidly, you feel as though your own confidence could penetrate through any barrier. You’re high on exhilaration.
A few days pass and you catch yourself cuss under your breath at something out of frustration. You realize that positive energy is gone. A barrier stood in your way and you let yourself down again, which you swore you wouldn’t let happen. You question why you even get your hopes up and are torn between who you are and what you strive to be.
As I left Phoenix, I was on a high. My confidence and happiness were untouchable… until reality got its hands on me.
Coming home, I only saw sunny skies ahead. I failed to consider the challenges I would endure this coming year.
A few negative snarls from old ‘friends’ and hate mail and my confidence began dissolving into the mystic of wickedness that consumes the majority of this world.
I couldn’t believe how easily I began to cave. What happened to my excitement? My high on life attitude? Is that really all it took for me to regress?
Out of fear, confusion and frustration I considered the past few weeks. I was struggling to stay afloat on my deflating raft of hope. I was beginning to drown in uncertainty and temptation. I felt weak.
I compared this year to the previous. The two years were cohesive in the fact that I was trying to fight off foulness and temptation on my own. I was attempting to rein against the world without God.
I thought I, myself, could maintain the person I found in Phoenix. When in all reality, I need to maintain this person I have become with God.
There are three reasons for this. One being that I need to confide in God so that he might help me remain happy with who I am as a person and ultimately maintain my confidence through forgiving the people trying to drag me down.
Secondly, I will never be a perfect person. However, if I want to fight off the world, there is no way I can do it alone. I will fail time and time again, as I have done so previously. I need to work with Him. Being happy and a good person takes work and so does being myself.
Finally, most importantly, I need to uphold myself as a person through him so that he can continue molding me into a child after his own heart.
This realization came to me mid-week last week. I have implemented it into my life and found myself coming back out of my shell and continuing to learn who I am as a person.
Additionally, God reassured me this past Sunday I was headed in the right direction. It was hard to sit at home when my friends went out this weekend. I almost caved a couple of times. Then, I went to church and the praise and worship and my dad’s message focused on knowing right from wrong. God patted me on the back Sunday morning and let me know I’m headed in the right direction
I guess what I want y’all to know is to keep working on the person you want to be with God. You can’t go at it alone.
You may even find yourself being huge loser who entertains her baby cousins with dance parties in the
streets holler’s of West Virginia on Sunday afternoons. But hey, what does that matter for?
In all seriousness, stay strong in your Faith and allow God to work on you as a person.
Never let the fear of what people think stop you from being who you are.