My New Normal


I have been back in America for a week today. Just one week, but it feels like an eternity. The people of Seguin feel so far away, so unreachable, and even worse — so unattainable to help. Every morning, I wake-up and my first thought are those eyes I saw peeping through the window of the clinic door waiting for us to come play, to give them water, to sneak them some breakfast. Every night, as the sun sets, I think about how the sunlight has already long disappeared up in the mountains of Seguin. I think about the cool nighttime air settling in and how many little bellies are still hungry. At random times during the day, I swear I can hear Joress whispering “Shae”, “thank you”, and “I love you” — so much so that it raises the hair on my arms. Haiti has consumed my thoughts, prayers, and even haunted my dreams this week.

If I am going to be honest with y’all (and myself), I am struggling to find a new “normal”. I have felt every emotion trying to get back into my routine: sadness, nostalgia, anger and mostly frustration. I am frustrated that I can’t do more (yet). I am frustrated with all of the unneeded that I have. I am frustrated that somehow, I won the lottery of being born in America and that Joress and every other Haitian I looked at last week did not. I’m frustrated how distracted America is from what really matters: Christ, family, and survival. And if I’m going to be REAL honest: I’ve even been frustrated with the Big Man this week. I’ve questioned Him, cried to Him, and quite frankly talked to Him more than I have in a very long time.

Today, as I was questioning Him again, I came across John 14:18: “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”

That verse gave me chills. It was a needed reminder that I know a God who restores hope to the hopeless through His promise that this world, this broken and unfair world, is just our temporary home.

And as I sit here, closing out my first week back in America, I am realizing just because life goes back to normal doesn’t mean that I have to. Keep praying for the people of Seguin and that God fills their bellies and their rain buckets.

Photo cred to my little man Joress.

If you’re interested in supporting my trip back to Haiti, please donate here:

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